He Brought Knives

 

Due to my family commitments, I've not posted anything for months. It is here where I post about my journey while working on my manuscript called, Burden of Promise. Now that I'm back in Montana, I have determination to write and finish my book. Traveling the homestretch causes me to hurry my pace as I look ahead to writing the final chapters.

The current chapter (33) shows my struggle when my faith did not bring about the results I expected. When I realized the importance of this chapter and its complexity, I closed my laptop, bowed my head and prayed, "Yeshua, I need your help to guide me through this part of my story. Will you assist me?"

After Yeshua's supportive response, I widened my request. While He seemed near, I pushed to talk about the end of my book. (which will cover my daily living and status of my heart)

"I know I protect myself by not pressing in to hear you. The turmoil I experienced when the promises didn't unfold like I expected caused me to shield my heart. I've put distance between us. I don't like it, but I don't know what to do about it."

"You are cautious." He sounded matter of fact and kind.

I nodded, thinking: what I felt as being distant and aloof, He gently referred to me being cautious.  

He broke into my thoughts and added, "You should always be cautious when handling knives."

I shook my head surprised knives were brought to the conversation. Suddenly I remembered a Scripture and my heart warmed.

"For the word of Elohim is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."

Hebrews 4:12

His very words became like a set of new knives cupped in my hands. Any idea to run with them seemed ridiculous.

Encountering this concept gave me understanding and respect on how to handle His words. I will not run here or there waving and shouting out heaven's fresh communication. I'll give more honor and contemplation, allowing its power to cut, divide and expose the matters of my soul and spirit.

After Six weeks of consideration, I've determined thus far...  

In the future, if His personal words [word of knowledge etc.] are meant to be shared with another, I will proceed carefully like a skilled surgeon so they won't harm or hinder His purpose in the hearer.

This encounter still penetrates the layers of my heart. Yeshua was faithful to help me. His scalpel cleaned up my debris. I've finished chapter 33. While I worked I often felt tears channel down my cheeks. Binding. Healing. Restoring.

If you have a promise or word that hasn't come to fruition...wait. Patiently wait and occupy.  There is a work going on. You are learning among many other discoveries, to discern the difference between your soul and spirit, turning you into one sharp believer.

Faithfulness: The Humble Still Voice

         

I spent most of summer 2016 in Montana. Over eight weeks I completed eight chapters to my manuscript. These chapters proved to be the most difficult, as my heart slipped back in time. I relived jury selection, the trial, James on the witness stand, the guilty verdict, confused jurors, a judge who pushed a life without parole sentence, my son being sent to a maximum security prison and our family's first trip to visit him behind the razor wired fences. I would've liked to report that I blitzed right through, grace abounded and not a single tear dropped. But that's not the way it transpired.

            Ten years ago when I lived through the events listed above in real time, I expected Yahweh to do miraculous works. I waited for His mighty deeds to turn the hardest unbelieving heart into a Believer. Plus, I anticipated Him to rescue my son from the clutches of life in prison. But, they didn't happen.

            While writing about James going to prison, the memory freshly taunted with raw emotion. I wanted my hurt to bear some fruit. So I said,

            "Father, this is so painful. What should I pay attention to as I write this portion of my story?"

            A quick thought flashed through my mind. "Look for My Faithfulness." Its resonance sounded like Him.   

            At first I doubted I'd find any, but I chose to watch with eyes of hope. As I typed each paragraph I waited to see faithfulness appear. Unlike Elijah's encounter in 1 Kings 19:11-13, Yah didn't come like a great wind that sent pieces of rock flying everywhere. He didn't move with a strong shaking earthquake. Neither did He send fire to display His kingdom power. Like Elijah's experience, Father's faithfulness appeared in the still small voice as subtle whispers.

            Yahweh's actions of faithfulness reminded me that I didn't walk alone or without peace in my heart during that time. Faithfulness seemed a steady constant that appeared rather humble. I would have missed His endearing activity had I chosen not to look.

            At times Yah's works are obvious for all to see. However, this time I found Him in the still small voice. Will you find Him faithful even in the darkest of times? With eyes of hope, He'll show you His handy work.   

                                                                                    

 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah? 1Kings 19:11-13