He Brought Knives

 

Due to my family commitments, I've not posted anything for months. It is here where I post about my journey while working on my manuscript called, Burden of Promise. Now that I'm back in Montana, I have determination to write and finish my book. Traveling the homestretch causes me to hurry my pace as I look ahead to writing the final chapters.

The current chapter (33) shows my struggle when my faith did not bring about the results I expected. When I realized the importance of this chapter and its complexity, I closed my laptop, bowed my head and prayed, "Yeshua, I need your help to guide me through this part of my story. Will you assist me?"

After Yeshua's supportive response, I widened my request. While He seemed near, I pushed to talk about the end of my book. (which will cover my daily living and status of my heart)

"I know I protect myself by not pressing in to hear you. The turmoil I experienced when the promises didn't unfold like I expected caused me to shield my heart. I've put distance between us. I don't like it, but I don't know what to do about it."

"You are cautious." He sounded matter of fact and kind.

I nodded, thinking: what I felt as being distant and aloof, He gently referred to me being cautious.  

He broke into my thoughts and added, "You should always be cautious when handling knives."

I shook my head surprised knives were brought to the conversation. Suddenly I remembered a Scripture and my heart warmed.

"For the word of Elohim is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."

Hebrews 4:12

His very words became like a set of new knives cupped in my hands. Any idea to run with them seemed ridiculous.

Encountering this concept gave me understanding and respect on how to handle His words. I will not run here or there waving and shouting out heaven's fresh communication. I'll give more honor and contemplation, allowing its power to cut, divide and expose the matters of my soul and spirit.

After Six weeks of consideration, I've determined thus far...  

In the future, if His personal words [word of knowledge etc.] are meant to be shared with another, I will proceed carefully like a skilled surgeon so they won't harm or hinder His purpose in the hearer.

This encounter still penetrates the layers of my heart. Yeshua was faithful to help me. His scalpel cleaned up my debris. I've finished chapter 33. While I worked I often felt tears channel down my cheeks. Binding. Healing. Restoring.

If you have a promise or word that hasn't come to fruition...wait. Patiently wait and occupy.  There is a work going on. You are learning among many other discoveries, to discern the difference between your soul and spirit, turning you into one sharp believer.

Faithfulness: The Humble Still Voice

         

I spent most of summer 2016 in Montana. Over eight weeks I completed eight chapters to my manuscript. These chapters proved to be the most difficult, as my heart slipped back in time. I relived jury selection, the trial, James on the witness stand, the guilty verdict, confused jurors, a judge who pushed a life without parole sentence, my son being sent to a maximum security prison and our family's first trip to visit him behind the razor wired fences. I would've liked to report that I blitzed right through, grace abounded and not a single tear dropped. But that's not the way it transpired.

            Ten years ago when I lived through the events listed above in real time, I expected Yahweh to do miraculous works. I waited for His mighty deeds to turn the hardest unbelieving heart into a Believer. Plus, I anticipated Him to rescue my son from the clutches of life in prison. But, they didn't happen.

            While writing about James going to prison, the memory freshly taunted with raw emotion. I wanted my hurt to bear some fruit. So I said,

            "Father, this is so painful. What should I pay attention to as I write this portion of my story?"

            A quick thought flashed through my mind. "Look for My Faithfulness." Its resonance sounded like Him.   

            At first I doubted I'd find any, but I chose to watch with eyes of hope. As I typed each paragraph I waited to see faithfulness appear. Unlike Elijah's encounter in 1 Kings 19:11-13, Yah didn't come like a great wind that sent pieces of rock flying everywhere. He didn't move with a strong shaking earthquake. Neither did He send fire to display His kingdom power. Like Elijah's experience, Father's faithfulness appeared in the still small voice as subtle whispers.

            Yahweh's actions of faithfulness reminded me that I didn't walk alone or without peace in my heart during that time. Faithfulness seemed a steady constant that appeared rather humble. I would have missed His endearing activity had I chosen not to look.

            At times Yah's works are obvious for all to see. However, this time I found Him in the still small voice. Will you find Him faithful even in the darkest of times? With eyes of hope, He'll show you His handy work.   

                                                                                    

 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah? 1Kings 19:11-13

Lifting Babes With Faith

            It didn't seem too early to grow faith in my two and a half year old grandson, Ezekiel. Above the prayers of blessing over his meals and nightly prayers with his dada and momma, Ezekiel had things that concern him.

            This week he brought me a little plastic forklift and whimpered with pouting lips. I understood that the Matchbox truck went missing over three months ago and he wanted to unite them.

            "Ezekiel, Yahweh loves you and cares about the things you care about." I sat to pull him onto my lap. "Let's pray that your truck will be found."

            I asked Yah, who knows all things, to help us find the lost truck.  I had no idea where it went, but, I stood Ezekiel up and simply paraphrased a quote from the book of Matthew. I patted his diaper as he walked away and declared, "The things that are hidden will come to light."

            Three hours later while playing in the backyard my grandson discovered his lost truck. All summer he played in that area but never saw the missing Matchbox. He ran into the house clutching the truck and waving his pudgy fist. He wanted to snap on the forklift. The truck now complete, prompted giggles from my little boy.

            Then came the need to teach him about thanksgiving and praise for knowing we have a Father who cares.

            I have no doubt that each time Ezekiel plays with his fully loaded truck; he'll remember the day Yahweh cared. I placed a precept in this child's heart...Father brought the increase. Yes, my little guy knows to ask and wait on Him. Yah cares for the things that concern all of us. Won't you stop to seek His help?   

           

              “So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, 

         or hidden that will not be known." Matthew 10:26 NKJV

How to Improve Your Discernment

            

Recently I finished chapter twenty-four of my book. In this part of my story Anthony, Hannah and I are in court, during James' trial, listening to a string of adult witnesses express the fear they held while working for Larissa - my son's past employer and co-defendant. 

            I wrote how one man in his mid fifties, while sitting in the testimony box, said, “If I had any idea that she was going to be back on the street again, I wouldn't say another word. I'm scared of the woman. I watched myself whenever she was around."

            During the chapter re-write I questioned myself - why didn't I discern her evil? I've met others in the past who appear to be upright and genuine but inside my gut something felt wrong. It was as if an internal warning alerted me to be watchful.  

            So why, when it came to Larissa, didn't the alarms bells ring and the words, "danger, danger, danger ahead" warn me?  

            After I read the chapter one last time I looked up, "Father, why couldn't I perceive this woman's evil?"

            In a tone that felt matter-of-fact and uncondemning I heard,

            "Because you are a people pleaser."

            I thought: I know I want to please others. But what does that have to do with my ability to discern?

            This is the lesson I learned.

            When I put myself in the position to need acceptance from someone, my ability to detect the darkness within that person's heart is lowered.  It's as if my spiritual cloaking devise drops, leaving me defenseless to the person I want to impress.

            I rubbed my temples and bowed my head. "Father, what was it I wanted from Larissa?"

            I desired for this highly successful businesswoman to see James as a valuable employee. And, keep him working during his college years in the field of his major.

            That's all it took. My senses were dulled and she robbed James' bright future right out from under him.

            I never considered how desire can lull people into a situation they can't foresee coming, until now.

            In Genesis 4:7 When Yahweh didn't accept Cain's sacrifice, He said to Cain,

            "If you do what is right, won’t you be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”

            I want to live being pleasing to my Father. Understanding He provides all my needs, keeps me safe and no longer vulnerable.

            Let's keep our doors barred and our eyes on Yahweh as He teaches us to do what is right. When an imposter arrives on the scene, the warning bells will sound.

Is Kindness Insanity?

We've all heard Albert Einstein's famous description of insanity. Though I dare not ever consider The Most High to be insane, I wonder if Yahweh has considered Einstein's definition when using kindness as a means to turn men's hearts?

There is much evidence in the written Word to prove, "His kindness lead men to repentance." This is Yah's A plan, His numero uno method, the first approach for which He'll reach. His Plan B can be felt as a more heavy bearing approach. So why does He use kindness, first, when it yields so little?

If you're like me I interpret Yahweh's kindness as a "pat on the back," I don't stop to consider it a nudge to repent. I usually wait until I am in a most miserable state where I must make a decision - I feel the internal pressure of force to change.

I even see Yah's hand moving me along, arranging circumstances to help me want to put off my poor behavior and choose a better way. His Plan B is effective with me. Still He uses unreliable Plan A first. 

Could it be in my fallen state, Plan B is the method He is forced to use? I wonder if I responded to His kindness differently, how would things change?

When His next kindness is presented, I will begin to train my thoughts toward being conformed into His image. Plan B will no longer be necessary and I can be led, being formed by kindness. I imagine I'll develop kindness as my style as I walk with mankind.

How about you? Are you ready for His kindness?

When I first began writing my story, many asked, "Is it cathartic?"

With a vehement shake of the head I'd snap, "NO!"

I wondered why some thought reliving the most painful days of my life could provide the slightest bit of therapy.

I've been writing for almost thirteen years. My response to that question has progressed from...It's all painful... I don't think so..., maybe...,  

To where on more days than not, I'm likely to say, "Sometimes."

My point of view changed when I wrote about a difficult court session. In real time, I wondered where the favor of Yahweh (Father's actual name) was for my family and me. By all the circumstances in play, it seemed evident the child of darkness held a greater advantage.

When I wrote about that scene, I placed myself back in time and recorded it as it unfolded. In a moment, I felt pulled into a new perspective. Things I'd not considered before, I now scribed on my page. I missed it years before, but in the telling He made Himself known. Father's light was very much present and at work for our benefit.

I still believe the saying, "Don't look back, there's no future in it." But I would recommend taking a walk down memory lane with Yahweh and ask Him to show you the details you missed the first time. His presence and His handiwork will warm your heart.